<錄音全文>
雅婷：哈囉大家好，歡迎收聽菊花獨白，我是雅婷！
Yating: Hello everyone, welcome to The Anus Monologues. I am Yating!
美瑜：我是美瑜
Meiyu: I am Meiyu.
雅婷：我們今天有一位非常美、非常美的來賓來到現場，讓我們請他自我介紹
Yating: We have a very beautiful guest here today. Let him introduce himself.
香蕉：哈囉大家好，我是香蕉，我有參加去年的菊花獨白
Banana: Hello everyone! I am Banana!
美瑜：人見人愛的香蕉
Meiyu: Everyone’s favorite Banana
雅婷：是人見人愛的香蕉，我第一次遇到，第一次遇到香蕉的時候，就想說哇哪裡來的小妖精
Yating: Everyone’s favorite banana. The first time I met Banana, I thought, wow, where did this little fairy come from?
香蕉：唉唷！小妖精最近分手了，真是的
Banana : Alas! The little fairy recently broke up, really
美瑜：我們剛剛在錄音室要開始之前，然後就先聊了一下，然後我本來想說我們應該要針對今天要re的那些稿，然後先大致講一下，可是不知道為什麼就一直被他吸引過去，就一直要聊他男朋友，就想說因為那個能量太強了
Meiyu: We were chatting for a while in the recording studio just before we started, and I originally wanted to talk about the drafts we were going to re-write today in general, but I don’t know why I kept being attracted to him. He keeps talking about his boyfriend, and I just want to say that it’s because the energy is too strong.
香蕉：可能才剛分手可能1個多月吧！
Banana : Maybe it’s because I just broke up, maybe more than a month ago!
美瑜：已經一個多月
Meiyu: more than a month？
雅婷：才一個多月啊？講起來好像上禮拜的事
Yating: Just over a month? It sounds like it happened last week
美瑜：對啊！我還以為是前兩天的事
Meiyu: Yes! I thought it happened two days ago
香蕉：這是第一個，分手之後這麼快又還當朋友的對象
Banana : This is the first time someone became friends again so soon after breaking up.
美瑜：所以感覺你是一個很重感情的人，就是在分手了之後要當朋友，其實不是那麼快，可以去調整那個狀態
Meiyu: So I feel that you are a very emotional person and you want to be friends after a breakup. In fact, it is not that fast. You can adjust that state.
香蕉：對啊！還在嘗試，這是我的第一個
Banana : yes! Still trying, this is my first one!
美瑜：好啦！人在江湖總是難免會遇到。你在這個領域工作，就是非營利組織的領域工作，變成是你常常也算是半個公眾人物嘛！因為香蕉也有自己的podcast，所以其實有的朋友，可能會在這邊線上就已經猜出他可能是哪個podcast的主持人
Meiyu: OK! It is inevitable that people will encounter each other in the arena. If you work in this field, that is, in the field of non-profit organizations, you are often considered a semi-public figure! Because Banana also has his own podcast, some friends may have already guessed which podcast he may be the host of online.
香蕉：喔！可能是喔！我的聲音這麼甜美！
Banana : oh! Maybe! My voice is so sweet!
美瑜：我們先請香蕉跟我們跟大家說一下，就是你之前，是怎麼認識菊花獨白認識我們這一些好朋友
Meiyu: Let’s first ask Banana to tell us about how you met The Anus Monologues and these good friends.
香蕉：我在，菊花獨白其實是同行者協會辦的，那在菊花獨白之前，同行者就有一直在舉辦慢活，欸不是慢活啦！帕養團
Banana : I am. The Anus Monologues is actually organized by the Hand In Hand Association of Taiwan. Before the Anus Monologues, the Hand In Hand Association of Taiwan had been organizing slow work. Oh, it is not slow work! Positive health group!
美瑜：帕斯提養生團隊
Meiyu: Positive health group!
香蕉：帕斯提養生團，就是照顧愛滋感染者跟藥癮，就是雙重議題的這一群，這一群人，那我之前就是先參加的這個帕養團，然後這是我第一個參加的藥癮團體
Banana :Positive health group! It is a group that takes care of HIV-infected people and drug addicts. It is a dual-issue group. This group of people was the first group I joined for drug addiction, and then this was the first group for drug addicts I joined.
美瑜：是誰找你來的？我到現在還不知道
Meiyu: Who came to you? I still don’t know
香蕉：我自己在網路上查，然後查到，不知道欸，那個時候就滑滑滑，然後就滑到你們，而且那個時候要走進去你們的辦公室在，我忘記，一個宗教，好像是雙連那邊
Banana : I checked on the Internet myself, and then I found out, I don’t know, at that time it was slippery, and then it came to you, and at that time I had to walk into your office, I forgot, a religion, it seems to be Shuanglian.
美瑜：我們那個不是宗教團體我們那個是普通的辦公室，
Meiyu: Our place is not a religious group, our place is an ordinary office
香蕉：對啦！就是要走進去之前，就會很害怕，怕自己的身分曝光啊！結果進去之後，就開始吸是一些花精
Banana : That’s right! Even before walking in, I would be very scared, afraid that my identity would be exposed! As a result, after entering, I started to inhale some flower essence.
美瑜：哈哈哈哈對因為就是
Meiyu: Hahahaha, yes, because
香蕉：做一些很奇怪的事情
Banana : do some weird things
美瑜：我們那時候對你做了什麼？
Meiyu: What did we do to you back then?
香蕉：去帕養團的時候，就是一群人在那邊打自己的身體，確實是很像邪教的一個團體，可是就是這個地方，有時候，因為我對於自己的藥癮的議題，就是有時候蠻矛盾的，好像那個時候我還在念大學，有時候比較認真在學業的時候，或是在可能談戀愛怎麼樣，就會覺得這不是一個，對我來說，不是一個議題，那我就會比較少來，可是當這個渴癮啊。或者是對藥那種又愛又恨啊！用他好像可以很快樂，逃離世界一下下，但是用完之後，又會很強烈，就是那種矛盾的感覺的時候，就會再來那個帕養團跟大家聊聊
Banana : When I went to Positive health group, there was a group of people beating themselves up there. It was indeed a group that looked like a cult, but it was this place. Sometimes, because of my drug addiction, I was quite conflicted. Yes, it seems that I was still in college at that time. Sometimes when I was more serious about my studies, or when I might be in a relationship, I would feel that this was not an issue for me, and then I would be more serious about it. Come less, but you are addicted to this thirst. Or maybe you have a love-hate relationship with medicine? It seems that using it can make you happy and escape from the world for a while, but after using it, it will be very strong and contradictory. When you have that kind of contradictory feeling, you will come to the Positive health group again to talk to you.
美瑜：ok所以你那個時候是大學生？
Meiyu: Okay, so you were a college student at that time?
香蕉：接觸到帕養團的時候是大學生
Banana: I was a college student when I came into contact with the Positive health group.
美瑜：那個時候是大幾？有印象嗎？我記得你那個時候很年輕
Meiyu: How old were you at that time? Any impression? I remember you were very young at that time
香蕉：我現在是很像老頭，什麼都記不住。二十？
Banana: I look like an old man now, I can’t remember anything. twenty?
美瑜：好像是二十歲
Meiyu: Seems to be twenty years old
香蕉：對
Banana: That’s right!
美瑜：好像是二十歲，因為我記得你個時候真的是就是很學生的樣子，感覺上高中離高中畢業沒有很久，然後整個人的那個肢體是很放開的，然後充滿年輕活力的那種感覺，應該是我們
Meiyu: You seem to be twenty years old, because I remember that you were really like a student at that time. It felt like you were in high school not long after you graduated from high school, and then your body and limbs were very relaxed, and you were full of youthful vitality. , it should be us
香蕉：現在不是了嗎？現在不是剛畢業的感覺？
Banana: Not now? Now I no longer feel like I just graduated?
美瑜：哎～你知道人在江湖久了之後（笑），可是其實香蕉在自己的工作裡面，已經我覺得已經經歷了很多的事情了，因為香蕉之前有跟我說過，他其實也是助人工作領域，你可以說你是之前學的是什麼？
Meiyu: Hey~ You know after people have been in the world for a long time (laughing), but actually Banana has experienced a lot of things in his own work, because Banana has told me before that he actually also works in the field of helping others. What can you say you studied before?
香蕉：喔我之前，是學心理諮商
Banana: Oh, I used to study psychological counseling.
美瑜：之前是學心理諮商，然後所以後來其實一路在非營利組織也工作了好一陣子，包括現在也是在非營利組織裡面工作，然後也開始在為自己在意的這一些愛滋藥癮的這一些議題，然後想辦法去做一些倡議的工作，這樣子
Meiyu: I studied psychological counseling before, and then I actually worked in non-profit organizations for a while, including now working in non-profit organizations, and then I also started to deal with the AIDS drug addiction that I cared about. issues, and then find ways to do some advocacy work
香蕉：對啊。然後做的就是好迷茫喔！
Banana: yes. What I did then was that I was so confused!
美瑜：怎麼說？
Meiyu: What happened?
香蕉：就像是藥癮的議題，因為我自己本身對他還是有很矛盾的想法嗎？我同時覺得大家可以自己決定你想要使用多少的量，然後只要你可以跟你的生活達成一個平衡就可以了，就是當你考慮了一切，就是它的法律的後果啊！然後可能很多風險嘛！就是假如說家人或朋友知道了這件事情，可能會跟你對你有不一樣的看法等等的，這些你都考慮進去了，但是你還是決定要使用的話，那我覺得，就是大家都是大人了，就是各個人造業個人擔嘛！可是自己就是有時候在某些使用的狀況，我自己在用的時候，通常都是一個衝動，然後衝動完之後就會覺得啊真是的，好像對自己失去一種掌控力
Banana: Just like the issue of drug addiction, because I still have very conflicting thoughts about him? At the same time, I think everyone can decide for themselves how much you want to use, and then as long as you can reach a balance with your life, that is, when you consider everything, there are its legal consequences! Then there may be a lot of risks! That is, if your family or friends know about this matter, they may have different views on you, etc. You have taken these into consideration, but you still decide to use it, then I think everyone is Adults, everyone is responsible for their own karma! But sometimes I am in certain usage situations. When I use it, I usually have an impulse, and then after the impulse is over, I feel like, really, it seems that I have lost a kind of control over myself.
美瑜：可是這件事情跟你的工作有什麼衝突嗎？因為其實你自己也在你的工作裡面，對這一些議題不斷的重新去思考，到底什麼才是真的是符合我們每一個夥伴需要的那樣子的方向，或者是說真的是對他們是好的，然後也可以在生活裡面有一個放鬆出口，或者是我們怎麼重新去看待，就是你自己怎麼去看不管是藥，或者是你自己或者是你跟工作之間的，那一些衝突或者是差異
Meiyu: But does this conflict with your work? Because in fact, you yourself are also in your work, constantly rethinking these issues, what is the direction that really meets the needs of each of our partners, or is it really good for them? Yes, and then you can also have an outlet for relaxation in life, or how we look at it again, that is, how you look at the conflicts or differences whether it is medicine, yourself, or between you and your work.
香蕉：我會覺得因為這個工作好像要表現的是一個乖寶寶、一個榜樣，藥癮的榜樣，你看我走過來了！我都不會用了！我真棒！你們都要跟我一樣！但其實沒有耶，我就是一個脆弱的孩子啊～
Banana: I feel like this job is about being a good boy, a role model, a role model for drug addiction. Look at me coming! I don’t even need it! I am awesome! You all have to be like me! But actually no, I am just a fragile child~
美瑜：你剛剛有提到說，剛剛說你會有一個衝動嘛！然後你會想要逃避一些東西，有可能更具體、一點的去說嗎？因為其實坦白講，香蕉現在已經是有一個很穩定的工作，然後有自己的專業，然後也在經營自己的平台，然後生活家庭感情、人際關係，這些其實一切都是感覺上是穩穩的在發展，那以他自己這樣子從畢業，走到現在其實我覺得你已經做得非常好了，可是你依舊會有一些，你想逃避的東西
Meiyu: You just mentioned that you would have an impulse! Then you will want to escape from something. Is it possible to talk about it more specifically? Because frankly speaking, Banana now has a very stable job, has his own major, and is also running his own platform, and then has family, relationships, and interpersonal relationships. In fact, everything feels stable. Development, from graduation to now, I think you have done very well, but you still have some things that you want to escape.
香蕉：可能是我有一個蠻強烈的自卑感，就是像，像我也在錄podcast，就會常常每講一句話，就會覺得說，哇！怎麼會這麼不會講話！然後講到有時候，那個可能不知道怎麼接話的時候，就會覺得我真的好笨喔！我好像什麼都不懂！越大好像那個腦容量越小
Banana: Maybe it’s because I have a pretty strong inferiority complex. For example, when I’m recording a podcast, I often feel like, “Wow!” every time I say a sentence. How could you be so speechless! Then I talked about how sometimes, when I don’t know how to answer a call, I feel like I’m really stupid! I don’t seem to understand anything! The bigger it is, the smaller the brain capacity seems to be.
美瑜：喔～其實我自己每次在錄這個podcast或者自己在寫文章，其實也常常會有類似的，好像自己一定要表現得很完美的那個，那件事情會一直在我們每一個人的身上，不只是你啦！我覺得像我，或者像雅婷，其實她也很嚴重啊！所以你看她在剪片子的時候，任何的瑕疵都直接被剪掉，逃不過她的耳朵
Meiyu: Oh~ In fact, every time I record a podcast or write an article, I often have a similar situation, as if I must perform perfectly. That thing will always be with each of us, not just You! I feel like me, or like Yating, but actually she is also very serious! So when you see her editing the film, any flaws are cut out directly and cannot escape her ears.
雅婷：誒誒！幹嘛這樣！我要判斷什麼叫做瑕疵，剛剛打嗝就是瑕疵，好不好！
Yating: Hey! Why do you say that! I want to judge what a flaw is. The hiccup just now is a flaw, okay?
美瑜：（笑）所以你想要逃開的是那個對自己的完美要求背後的那一種壓力嗎？還是什麼，但是我們在菊花裡面，反而看見的你，不是那個樣子
Meiyu: (Laughs) So what you want to escape is the pressure behind the need for perfection? Or something, but when we were inside The Anus Monologues, we saw you, not like that.
香蕉：對啊～我每次去菊花，我大概三分之一的時間都在睡覺
Banana: That’s right~ Every time I go to The Anus Monologues. I spend about one-third of the time sleeping.
美瑜：對，常常我看他常常累到在睡覺，然後我就想說沒關係這個人的資質深厚，睡覺也能吸收
Meiyu: Yes, I often see him so tired that he is sleeping, and then I think it doesn’t matter. This person is very qualified and can absorb it even while sleeping.
香蕉：我覺得當時就是菊花獨白的那個都是在禮拜五的晚上，然後就提供了一個空間是說，誒！好像沒有必要，真的，因為我通常會想要當一個好學生，就算可能台上講的人講的內容我沒有那麼有興趣，可是我還是會真的就是睜大雙眼，然後嗯嗯嗯，你說的真對
Banana: I think The Anus Monologues was on Friday night, and then it provided a space to say, eh! It doesn’t seem necessary, really, because I usually want to be a good student. Even if I’m not that interested in what the person speaking on stage is saying, I still really just open my eyes wide and say, uh-huh, uh-huh, you are right
美瑜：所以你那個時候在菊花有做有做這種事？我都沒有注意到！
Meiyu: So were you doing anything like this in The Anus Monologues at that time? I didn’t even notice!
香蕉：我就是沒有啊！我就直接睡覺，我累了就直接睡
Banana: I just don’t have it! I’ll just go to sleep. When I’m tired, I’ll just go to sleep.
美瑜：所以你還有一個好學生的包袱在你身上
Meiyu: So you still have the baggage of being a good student on you
香蕉：會，就覺得好像要呈現自己是認真勤奮的，我才是值得被愛的這樣
Banana: Yes, I feel like I have to show that I am serious and diligent, and that I am worthy of being loved.
美瑜：那你怎麼去注意到？就是你進來菊花了之後，你可以這樣子這麼自由自在的，去做你自己想要做的那個樣子
Meiyu: So how do you notice? That is, after you come into The Anus Monologues, you can be so free and do what you want to do.
香蕉：就實驗啊！就是睡一次之後，睡兩次之後，誒？好像可以耶！然後就會繼續睡
Banana: Just test it! Just after sleeping once, after sleeping twice, eh? It seems ok! Then I will continue to sleep
美瑜：就一直測試，然後發現大家都接受度蠻高的這樣子？
Meiyu: Just keep testing, and then find that everyone is very accepting of it?
香蕉：對對對～我睡完之後，有時候會有一種罪惡感，然後想說我剛剛都沒有聽到人家分享好像很撕心裂肺的故事怎麼辦，一起來，然後大家就是臉色凝重，有點在哭要哭要哭的感覺，然後就是好像剛剛那個經歷了什麼很重要的時刻，然後我就會覺得不好意思，但是大家就會看到我醒來，就會說喔！好，你回來了，歡迎你回來回家了，從夢境的世界
Banana: Yes, Yes, ~ After I wake up, sometimes I feel a sense of guilt, and then I want to say that I didn’t even hear people share the heart-wrenching stories. What should I do? I feel like I want to cry, and then it feels like I just experienced a very important moment, and then I feel embarrassed, but when everyone sees me waking up, they will say Oh! Well, you are back, welcome back home, from the world of dreams
美瑜：你剛才以另外一種能量的狀態存在的狀態，然後參與了我們
Meiyu: You just existed in another state of energy, and then you participated in us
雅婷：恩
Yating: Yes,
美瑜：對好，因為你從參加帕養團，然後中間隔了一段時間，之後才又參加菊花，我記得中間應該至少隔了有兩年，應該是跑不掉了
Meiyu: That’s right, because you took a break from participating in thePositive health group, and then joined The Anus Monologues again. I remember that there should be at least two years in between.
香蕉：中間我就是唸大學唸畢業，其實談藥的對象也是有，我比較願意去跟朋友分享這一塊，然後當時可能就是交了第一任男朋友吧！
Banana: During this period of time, I was studying in college and graduating. In fact, there were people I talked to about medicine. I was more willing to share this with my friends. Then I probably had my first boyfriend at that time!
美瑜：喔～愛情的滋潤，讓你離開了朋友，就是重色輕友，必要的
Meiyu: Oh ~ the nourishment of love makes you leave your friends, it is necessary to value sex over friends.
雅婷：必要的，健康的
Yating: Necessary! Healthy!
香蕉：啊唷～我也不想要這樣子
Banana: Ah~ I don’t want to be like this either
美瑜：你可以，你可以不用擔心
Meiyu: You can, you can, don’t worry
雅婷：誒！這件事情，不是一個負面的事喔！
Yating: Eh! This matter is not a negative thing!
香蕉：真的嗎？
Banana: Really?
雅婷：對，就是應該要這樣
Yating: Yes, that’s how it should be
美瑜：對！我完全支持你這樣，愛情來就是盡量的去，反正我們在旁邊等著那個聽你的各式各樣的故事。
Meiyu: right! I fully support your approach. When love comes, you should go as far as possible. Anyway, we are waiting by the side to listen to your various stories.
雅婷：對啊
Yating: Yes!
香蕉：唉唷！今天就把這個故事帶來分享給大家了
Banana: Ouch! Today I bring this story to share with you all
美瑜：然後後來呢？後來你經歷了一連串的事情，然後又再一次的看到菊花，一樣是同行者的活動，然後你想參加的那個原因是什麼？
Meiyu: And what happened next? Later, you experienced a series of things, and then saw The Anus Monologues again. It was also an activity of Hand In Hand Association of Taiwan. What was the reason why you wanted to participate?
香蕉：我其實一開始沒有意識到菊花獨白是同行者，反而是美瑜跟我一開始聯繫的時候，才注意到說，哇！原來就是同行者，要來去見老朋友了，有些近鄉情卻，不知道大家會覺得我，再次看到我會覺得我怎麼樣，然後那個時候為什麼想參加？就覺得很酷啊！菊花獨白，因為我之前聽過，陰道獨白就是讓陰道有一個說話的聲音，他一直都是被使用的一個工具，那為什麼不來聽聽菊花會說什麼呢？我就也很好奇，我平常拿來大便，然後來當成性器官的這個器官，它有什麼想說的話，就是很想要再整理自己一下吧！
Banana: I actually didn’t realize that The Anus Monologues was a workshop organized by Hand In Hand Association of Taiwan at first. Instead, it was when Meiyu contacted me that I noticed and said, wow! It organized by Hand In Hand Association of Taiwan, and I was going to see old friends. I felt a little nostalgic, but I didn’t know what people would think of me and what they would think of me when they saw me again. Why did I want to participate at that time? I just think it’s cool! The Anus Monologues, because I have heard it before, the Vagina monologue is to give the vagina a voice. It has always been a tool used, so why not listen to what Chrysanthemum has to say? I’m also very curious. What does this organ, which I usually use for defecation and then use as a sexual organ, have to say? It just wants to tidy itself up again!
美瑜：那我有一點好奇的事，你還記不記得你在菊花的時候，你的演出的角色是什麼？
Meiyu: Then I have something curious. Do you still remember what role you played in The Anus Monologues?
香蕉：是一個學生，然後他被一個公園的伯伯帶去家裡說要玩電動，但其實是其實是去做愛這樣，然後這件事情對這個角色來說，她一開始覺得沒什麼，他覺得就是真的去跟伯伯去玩，然後他就到學校裡面去講說我跟伯伯發生了什麼事，結果老師聽到了之後就覺得天啊！這是一件不對的事情，然後就開始上報了，所以社工來了，警察也來了，然後到校長來了，到最後校長居然要他重新再演一遍，那個阿伯到底對他做了什麼，然後到那個時候這個角色是，對他而言，就是反而是在這一個一直要被關心的過程中，受到了比原本跟阿伯玩更大的傷害。
Banana: He was a student, and then he was taken home by an uncle in the park and said he wanted to play video games, but in fact he wanted to have sex. For this character, she thought it was nothing at first, but he thought it was just for real. I went to play with my uncle, and then he went to school to tell me what happened to my uncle and me. When the teacher heard it, he thought, Oh my God! This was something wrong, and then the report started, so the social worker came, the police came, and then the principal came. In the end, the principal actually asked him to reenact the act. What on earth did that uncle do to him? And at that time, this character, for him, was in the process of being cared for all the time, and he was hurt more than he was originally playing with Abel.
美瑜：我看到你的演出的時候，因為你知道嗎？我們菊花有一點那個即興，到了那個演出前十分鐘都還在改劇本，第一屆的菊花演了兩場，可是兩場演的方式其實是很不一樣的，然後你那個時候在第二天來的時候，用你自己的方式去演出，然後當你坐在地上，你還記不記得那個時候你想要表達的是什麼？
Meiyu: When I saw your show, because you know what? The Anus Monologues were a bit of improvisation, and we were still changing the script ten minutes before the performance. The Anus Monologues performed two performances in the first year, but the two performances were actually very different. And at that time, on the second day When you come, perform in your own way, and then when you sit on the ground, do you still remember what you wanted to express at that time?
香蕉：我覺得這個人他感受到一件，本來有一點，他不知道怎麼去定義的經驗，可是他就是好像還擺在那邊，可是全世界都告訴他說這個是不好的，這個是不好的，然後甚至好像要再教我，怎麼感覺我的身體，一直重複的去講那個經驗，然後那個時候我的身體是整個放軟的，可是我的眼睛就是一直瞪著遠方，就是覺得我覺得，這個人應該那一刻會很想要逃離這個身體，讓他的靈魂去很遠、很遠的地方。
Banana: I think this person has experienced something. Originally, he had an experience that he didn’t know how to define, but he just seems to be there, but the whole world tells him that this is bad, this is not good. , and then they even seemed to teach me how to feel my body, and kept repeating the experience. At that time, my body was completely relaxed, but my eyes just kept staring into the distance, and I just felt that I felt , this person should want to escape from this body at that moment and let his soul go far, far away.
美瑜：那你自己其實已經在，就是你從過去受到的那一些心理諮商的專業，然後到你自己在做助人工作的這段時間，跟你看到我們菊花獨白裡面想要去談的那些主題，你覺得有什麼是你覺得不太一樣的，或者是你覺得喔！原來可以這樣子的等等之類的那些東西在？
Meiyu: Well, you are actually already there, that is, you have received some professional psychological counseling in the past, and then during the period when you are doing the work of helping others, you can see the themes that we want to talk about in The Anus Monologues. What do you think is different, or what do you think? It turns out that it can be like this and so on, where are those things?
香蕉：在那個菊花的經驗跟在現在的機構，其實共通點都是，對於藥物有一個更開放的空間去討論，因為在出了這個舒適圈之後，其實對於藥物就非黑即白的，好像用藥之後，你馬上就打入了打入冷宮！但是這兩個機構的共通點就是說，你今天用藥的事，會直接去不是你直接變成一個罪犯或病人，是會去回到你使用的那個經驗，跟他對你的意義是什麼，然後就算這個或者是很混亂的，那也沒關係，那他就很混亂，你講不出來，他就講不出來，慢慢講。
Banana: The experience in The Anus Monologues and the current institution actually have the same thing in common: there is a more open space to discuss drugs, because after leaving this comfort zone, drugs are actually very black and white. It seems that after taking drugs , you were immediately thrown into the cold palace! But what these two institutions have in common is that if you take medicine today, it will not directly turn you into a criminal or a patient, but it will go back to the experience you used and what it means to you. And even if this may be very confusing, it doesn’t matter. Then it is very confusing. If you can’t explain it, he won’t be able to explain it. Speak slowly.
美瑜：其實就算是，坦白講，不論是用藥的朋友或沒有用藥的朋友，在面對自己有一些很辛苦的經驗的時候，大部分的人其實是講不出來的，有時候那不是因為藥物的關係，而是我們根本就沒有，從來沒有好好的去了解我們的情緒是什麼，我們發生了什麼事情，我們也沒有那個時間可以去學會怎麼講，或者是沒有那個對象，可以去陪著我們把這些東西講出來，那久而久之不講不能講，然後你就會失去了，那個講的能力，但是那件事情，還是在還是在你的身體記憶裡面還是在你的肌肉裡面，你就會帶著那個很難受的那些感覺，雖然你壓抑它，可是垃圾桶裝久了，總是還是會有滿了一天，所以人就會越來越，我們有時候會講那個叫做，也許是團塊硬掉的，就像硬掉的口香糖，還是
Meiyu: In fact, even if it is true, frankly speaking, whether it is a friend who takes drugs or a friend who does not take drugs, when faced with some very difficult experiences, most people cannot tell them about it. Sometimes it is not because of the drugs. , but we simply don’t have a good understanding of what our emotions are and what happens to us. We also don’t have the time to learn how to speak, or there is no one who can accompany us to talk about these things. Once you talk about something, if you don’t talk about it for a long time, you won’t be able to talk about it, and then you will lose the ability to talk about it, but that thing is still in your body memory or in your muscles, and you will carry it with you. Those uncomfortable feelings, even if you suppress them, but if the trash can is filled for a long time, it will always be full one day, so people will become more and more tired. We sometimes call it, maybe it is a hard lump. , like hard chewing gum, or
雅婷：有點像身上的氣節這樣子
Yating: It’s a bit like the integrity of the body
美瑜：喔！對對對就卡住卡在那裡，然後身上就越卡越多這樣子，然後甚至卡久了之後，你還可以在你的表面看到有一些凸起來的，那人總要找一些想辦法讓自己可以過日子的方式，有的人去尋找的藥物，就像你講的，在那裡面剛剛提到可以有一個講這一些經驗，講那些發生了什麼事情的那個空間，在那個關係裡面是可以講的，可是反而在現實生活中，我們我們在想像那一種正常健康的，生活中，我們沒有辦法去
Meiyu: oh! Yes, yes, it gets stuck there, and then the body becomes more and more stuck like this, and even after it has been stuck for a long time, you can still see some bulges on your surface, and that person always has to find some way. Some people look for medicine to help themselves live their lives. Just like you said, you just mentioned that there can be a space to talk about these experiences and what happened. In that relationship, it is It can be said, but in real life, we are imagining a normal and healthy life. In life, we have no way to
雅婷：模範的生活（笑）
Yating: Some kind of model life (laughs)
美瑜：（笑）偶像的、超人的生活，裡面沒有辦法去談，我們發生了一些讓我們覺得傷心難過的事情，或者是讓我們覺得我剛剛沒有做好的，這些事情其實是反而是沒有機會去談的，就是到底有沒有可能用什麼樣的方式，讓我們真的可以好好的去把自己的經驗、身體的感受到的經驗到這些東西，其實可以好好的講出來，而不是在一次的用各種的楷模的方式，然後把自己框起來，好像要放在桌子前面，當一個獎牌給大家看的那種感覺。
Meiyu: (Laughs) There is no way to talk about the life of an idol or a superman. Some things that happen to us make us feel sad, or make us feel that we have not done well just now. In fact, there is no chance to talk about these things. Is it possible to use any method so that we can really express our own experiences and physical feelings? In fact, we can talk about them well, instead of using various words at once. I planted it in an exemplary manner, and then framed myself, as if I was going to put it in front of the table, as if it were a medal for everyone to see.
雅婷：我覺得剛出社會或者是你在接觸人的時候，你聽到的故事大部分都是成功的故事，都是別人很厲害的故事，你就會覺得好像應該要活成那樣才是對的，我沒有做到的時候，我就會覺得很挫折，覺得為什麼別人好像都很輕鬆的做到，但是我都沒有，但我後來慢慢才發現，尤其是參加菊花之後才發現，其實大家都沒有這麼厲害，大家都是差不多，大家都會在一些類似的問題上面去困住卡，或者是受傷，或者是需要跟別人多聊聊，其實都是非常、非常正常，一點都不需要覺得焦慮，或者是覺得我怎麼這麼差其實並沒有。
Yating: I think when you first start working or when you are in contact with people, most of the stories you hear are success stories, stories about how others are great, and you will feel as if that is the right way to live your life. When I didn’t do it, I would feel very frustrated and wonder why others seemed to do it easily but I didn’t. But I later discovered, especially after participating in Chrysanthemum, that in fact no one could do it. So awesome, everyone is the same. Everyone will get stuck on some similar problems, or be injured, or need to talk to others more. In fact, it is very, very normal. There is no need to feel anxious at all, or It’s because I think I’m so bad, but that’s not the case.
香蕉：誒？結果今天感覺來錄菊花獨白的又是一個，另一個再一次回到那個課堂中的感覺，最近好需要聽到這些話。
Banana: Eh? As a result, today it feels like another one is here to record The Anus Monologues, and it feels like another one is back in that class again. I really need to hear these words recently.
美瑜：歡迎你隨時回來～最後一個問題是，你參加了去年的菊花獨白，然後你現在回頭你會怎麼去形容這段經歷，對現在的你有甚麼樣子的，用一句話去形容
Meiyu: You are welcome to come back at any time ~ The last question is, you participated in The Anus Monologues last year, and when you look back now, how would you describe this experience, and what does it say about you now? Use one sentence to describe it.
香蕉：是遺忘很久的久別重逢的感覺，因為已經也好一陣子沒有見了嘛！然後可能在工作上，就會一直覺得不足不足不足，可是今天就會在想到說，即使不足那也沒關係，嗯！就在慢慢慢慢調整，也有一群跟我一樣，還在可能沒有到一樣啦！就是大家有不同的處境，但還在迷惘，還在找方向的人，
Banana: It’s a long-forgotten feeling of meeting again after a long separation, because we haven’t seen each other for a while! Then maybe at work, you will always feel that you are not enough, not enough, not enough, but today you will think of it, even if it is not enough, it doesn’t matter, eh! Just as I am slowly adjusting, there are also a group of people like me, who may still not be the same! We are all in different situations, but are still confused and looking for direction.
美瑜：恩，還在碰碰喀喀的人
Meiyu: Well, people who are still working hard in life
香蕉：對呀還在碰碰喀喀喀喀
Banana: Yes, people who are still working hard
雅婷：好今天謝謝香蕉來錄我們的podcast～謝謝香蕉！
Yating: Okay, thank you Banana for recording our podcast today ~ Thank you Banana!
香蕉：謝謝雅婷！謝謝美瑜！
Banana: Thank you Yating! Thank you Meiyu!
雅婷：那我們下次見囉，bye！
Yating: See you next time, bye!
美瑜香蕉：掰掰～
Meiyu＆Banana: Goodbye!